By Rod Brooker

Tea Party people:  I get it.  I get you.  Tell me if I’m wrong.

You wish things were simpler.  You want things that work with much less government.  You don’t want to give your hard-earned money to a wasteful government.  You want a job for everyone who wants one, and you want everyone to want one.  You want to buy and sell American.  You want parents to parent, and teachers to teach.  You want society to have a moral basis. 

When I was 12, Dad drove us from Castle AFB in central California down to Anaheim – Disneyland!  Just inside the entrance was Main Street U.S.A., an idealization of the early 20th Century.  That resonated with my parents, who said it showed the way things used to be.  The problem was, I realized many years later, they hadn’t a bit of personal knowledge about the turn of the 20th Century, because they wouldn’t be born until 20 years after.  Regardless, I admit to still being seduced, today, by the quaint, down-home honesty that is still depicted on Main Street U.S.A. by the Disney artisans over in Orlando.  

Tea Party people, I could be one of you.  My people were and are honest, taxpaying folks without a single night in jail amongst the clan. None of us would expect a medal for that; it’s the way it should be. We’ve lived middle class lives by dint of hard work. Those now gone had a coach seat on the flight to meet our Maker.  There are decades of military service among us.  I learned values at the knees of people who are giants to me. 

Having just bonded with you, Tea Party people, here it comes.  You seem to me to be people looking for Main Street U.S.A.  So how do you find it?  Let me set up an assumption and ask more questions. 

Assume by 2012 you win the White House and control both houses of Congress.  Three-fourths of judges at all levels have resigned and been replaced by the new Tea administration.  The body politick is all yours.  Have at it:  lower taxes, less government, a return to values. 

Which taxes do you lower?  Be fairly specific here, and think of what the taxes pay for.  Lower property taxes?  Great idea.  But doesn’t part of them pay for schools?  What happens to schools?  Do we privatize education?  There are people who can’t or won’t pay to send their kids to school.  What happens to those kids?  What are the odds they will fill the high-paying technology jobs that are always just around the corner?  Is there maybe a chance we’d have to beef up law enforcement and the penal system to accommodate the ignorant unemployed?  Who would pay for that?

That was too easy for me to ask.  Too obvious.  A cheap shot set up to produce a negative outcome.  So let’s try again.  Let’s talk about bloated bureaucracies in Tampa, Tallahassee, and D.C.  Let’s whack a bunch of bureaucratic parasites!  Are there entire departments you’d eliminate?  Which ones?  Maybe just fire a percentage of employees of all departments, across the board?  Say 20-30 percent of all government workers?  Who would the Angel of Death pass over?  Would the bureaucrats line up and draw lots? 

Okay, they’re gone and wasteful programs are eliminated.  We cut taxes.  To get all economic now, what happens to those disappeared people?  Do the tax cuts dump enough money into the private sector to create enough high-paying technology jobs to get the former bureaucrats off the street?  Do we miss at least some of the vanished government services?  A tax cut worked in the 1980s.  It failed miserably in the 2000s as the economy went into the flusher and government debt ballooned.    

Whoaaaaa!  Government debt?  What are we going to do with that?  For nearly a century it’s been swept under the carpet, which now looks like the Matterhorn.  I say We the People have to start making regular payments, however small, on government debt.  

So in 2013, Tea Party people, we have millions of former government employees looking for work, we have fewer government services, some which we might actually miss, and that cha-ching you hear is interest accumulating on the debt. 

It doesn’t look like Main Street U.S.A. to me.  It looks pretty grim, and I need you to explain things and reassure me.  Give me the specifics that I can’t grasp on my own.  We haven’t even looked at instilling monocultural values in a polycultural nation.  Maybe the best we can hope for in that regard is honest, hard-working, tax-paying, no jail time. 

Rod Brooker, a former Socialist hippie, is in fact a centrist who desperately wants things to work, and suggests that we stop screaming and start listening. Email him at: lightnnrod@mac.com.

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By Rod Brooker

So I’m reading Mr. Ingram’s most recent one-act play about what’s-his-name and Mark Sharpe, and Sam The Anti-Pope, and I’m thinking it’s a pretty good piece of writing for a Celt, and then I’m reading the comments of you gentle readers, and lightning strikes me.

This whole complex issue of the train tax, the Arkansas house, the County Fathers, and home schooling was all moshed together in my mind, and, in an instant, enlightenment! 

Jerry Bowmer.  Jim Norman.  Get it?  No?

A few of you who commented on Mr. Ingram’s column observed that our beloved Hillsborough County has been well-fornicated by developers for decades, and there has always been a majority of county commissioners that have pimped the county and raked in the bucks.  Some decades were flagrant (Jerry Bowmer) and some more subtle, as long as you are a rock in a phosphate pit.  I mean, favors and campaign contributions are not the same as Andy Jacksons in brown bags, are they?  You kids are thinking, “Andy Jacksons?”  Yeah, they were the Benjamins of the 1970s. 

Some of you have gone to Defcon 4 at the term “train tax.”  Kids!  I have to call it what it is.  Remember the Penny for the Good Life?  It was really the Bucks for the Performing Arts Center.  That penny was allegedly for “sports, arts, and recreation.”  Little children would learn the cello in ball parks dotted across the county.  So what happened?   

Did I mention it was sold as a two-year penny?  Funny, it’s still there.  Or not there for us, in terms of the jingle in our pockets.  What is the “good life” penny paying for today?  I’m asking.  Next we had a half penny tax to build a football stadium for billionaires.  At least it was sold as a 30-year half penny but it will still be here after the Apocalypse.

Just because I am a Socialist does not mean I am a Philistine, or a not-a-real-man.  I like the Performing Arts Center.  My aging back does not like the seats, which is my problem.  But was it really worth a penny from danged near every buck we drop for things other than serious food and prescription medicines?  I’d gladly pay a 10 percent or 20 percent surcharge on performance tickets rather than to lose that penny.  Likewise I like the Bucs and RayJay.  Same story with my back.  Same story with putting a surcharge on RayJay tickets.  Such surcharges fall under the category of “user fees.” 

User fees let government put the bulk of the cost of a service or facility on the people who use it.  On the other hand, if government taxes everyone to provide something that only a few people use, it’s called income redistribution.  Spreading it around.  Socialism.  Vote for the train tax, and you are a Socialist.  Relax.  It happens in the best of families. 

Pennies add up.  Take the next one we’re being pressured to give up.  Please.  If you think the train tax is going to add bus lanes and build wider highways, do I have a bridge for you . . .  The train tax is going to build a strange rail line that will lose money, and most of the people paying for it won’t use it.  And the train seats will be hard on my back, but that’s my problem.  So how do we price a rail system?  This is a tough one.  Who will be the users?  How do we get our hands in their pockets today for something they’ll use tomorrow?  Raise gasoline taxes for a train?  The real question is, who the hell is going to ride the train?  Really.  The train is a shiny new toy that some people want under their Christmas tree.  They are selling it to us with all the vagueness at their command. 
The problem is financing the capital investment for all these cool things that a few people want to buy.  Bonds are popular government offerings to do so.  Unfortunately, except for the idiots who bought mortgage-backed derivatives, potential bond-holders will want to get their money back someday, with interest.  Maybe we can back bonds with the projected stream of income from train fares?  See the above reference to “vagueness.”  Have you noticed that the train-tax people don’t ever, ever say the words “Miami Metrorail.” 

At the end of the line, I, a Socialist, am voting against the Train Tax.  What the hell kind of Socialist am I?  Talking privately now to Sam The Anti-Pope: I’m on your side this time.  Got a job for me?  Just kidding, big guy. 

Re-enter Jerry Bowmer and Jim Norman.  They have both been County Commissioners, and both have the letters J, O, R, and M in their names.  Those facts alone raise suspicion.  And developers seem to have done really well in their terms.  But I paint Jim Norman with a heavy brush.  As long as I can remember, there have been at least four Commissioners ready to “create economic growth and bring jobs to Hillsborough County.”  Thanks to these commissioners, developers have made billions of dollars by doing things on the cheap.  Which is why we need better transportation.  And schools.  And sewerage.  And all that stuff.

So today we should be talking about things a lot more important and urgent than a choo-choo train.  Today we have to bail out Kennedy Boulevard, not unlike the Socialist federal government’s bail out of Wall Street.  The big difference is, the Wall Street gang was going broke.  Down here, the developers were sitting at our table, getting fat. 

Pass the pennies? 

Rod Brooker is a Socialist hippie who puts up a train set at Christmas for his grandson and who takes the little guy to ride steam trains in Parrish.  Negative cynic that he is , Rod figures the little guy and his Baptist pre-school classmates will be paying our pennies, and more to come, all their lives.  E-mail Rod  at: lightnnrod@mac.com.

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By Debra Cole

There’s a lot of talk these days about education reform. People want to blame the unions. Schools blame the parents.  The lack of morals and the need to “restore” us back to the “good ole days,” is a common theme. Others think we just need to throw more money at the problem. And then there’s the most common one, “We need teacher accountability.”

I find the media’s insatiable need to repeat ‘’teacher accountability” rather interesting considering the fact that teachers have virtually no power over key ingredients that make up a school. Obviously, there are some lazy, negative, mean, incompetent teachers that should be fired.  Just like there are lazy, negative, mean, incompetent politicians, doctors, journalists, lawyers, stockbrokers, bank tellers, oil executives, athletes, actors, and strippers. But somehow, sound bites fuel the simplistic minds out there that just want to rally behind “teacher accountability” for America’s panacea.

Let’s look at the schedule. No teacher decides when kids change classes, the duration of classes, yearly calendars, or which unprepared and boring motivational speaker, who goes to Rotary with the principal, is coming over to take up four hours of instructional time.  It’s not uncommon to hear a teacher, particularly one in an “exceptional” area like ESOL (English to Speakers of Other Languages), special education, arts, or music, to describe his or her schedule in this manner.

“My 6th grade students come in at 1:03 and stay until 1:53. But during this hour, 7th graders come in after their lunch at 1:17 until 2:01. Then 8th graders who are on B team arrive at 1:42 until 2:31 on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The A team 8th graders come Tuesday and Thursday until 2nd semester when they will switch with B team until testing week, and the last three weeks of the school year where we’re all on “ alternative schedule C”, unless we have to make up a snow day.”

Would Bill Gates, a U.S. Senator, or even assistant managers at Kroger tolerate staff meetings and training sessions with this many interruptions?  Would they put together a schedule so confusing? Of course not, so why do we expect teachers to consistently jump hoops just to do their job? What’s more infuriating is when a teacher raises a concern about a schedule, he or she is often subjected to patronizing responses like, “Well, you need to be flexible and focus on the needs of the kids. Dedicated teachers understand that what they want individually is not always best for the children.” When you consider it all, fire drills, assemblies, club meetings, standardized testing, pointless meetings, inefficient scheduling, and undeserved student celebrations, the amount of time wasted if counted in trash would be several landfills per school. Furthermore, a teacher never makes these decisions.

Discipline policy is also out of the hands of the teacher. The local Board of Education and school leaders write the policies and decide if and how they will be enforced. If you’ve been in a comedy club lately, you know that one drunken heckler can ruin the show for the comic and the audience. Imagine a classroom of 25 students most of whom act right most of the time. But, you have three kids who consistently ruin everyone’s day with inappropriate language, outbursts, and day-to-day drama they create to get attention. No one learns in this environment. The 23 other students lose out on instruction because of Larry, Curly, and Moe. Discipline policies allow a few children to waste several weeks’ worth of valuable class time. Despite public perception, most school children behave very well. It is a small group of kids in every school who consistently disrupt.  And too often nothing is done until the child becomes violent. More importantly, the teacher is expected to handle the problematic kids with little or no support.

My last year of teaching is filled with many stories that contributed to my resignation. The one that stands out the most was a kid I’ll call, “Brittany.” Brittany was an obese 6th grader with a history of depression, suicidal threats, emotional outbursts, and violent behavior going back to the 3rd grade. She wasn’t my student, but her outrageous behavior made her known throughout the school. Other than the weight, there was nothing wrong with her physically. She had no diagnosable learning problem. However, she was placed in a class of kids labeled behavior disordered. For at least 5 weeks, she held the school hostage. She cussed out teachers, kids, and janitors. She threw books and hit somebody almost daily. Everyone talked about Brittany and administrators followed the steps. They called home, gave her in-house suspension, and out of school suspension.

Finally, Brittany had enough. She picked up a desk and threw it at a teacher and tore up the classroom. I was next door and felt as if I were in the middle of the movie, One Flew Over the Coo Coos Nest.  Obviously my students stopped listening to me because of the flying furniture and the “F” bombs within earshot. I quickly went next door and took pictures of the room with my cell phone as evidence in case the school found a reason not to act.

The assistant principal asked Brittany, while she was wearing handcuffs, why did she not practice the “countdown” that she learned to control her anger. Really? The child has a psychological folder as thick as a cement block and all the school could come up with is, “baby just count to ten to calm down when you get mad.”  Even Brittany with all of her problems could see through that line of horseshit as evidence with her response. “Well, I did do the countdown. I said one motherf#$@er, two motherf#$@er, three motherf#$@er, you better duck cause this desk is comin’!”

Sadly this child was placed in an alternative setting that was just one step from a juvenile detention center. I volunteered to be the “objective” teacher who is needed for discipline meetings. It was heartbreaking to hear her mother beg officials not to expel her daughter. Uneducated, overweight, poor, intimidated, and probably been abused as well, she kept pleading, “She needs help.” “If you put her with those thugs, she will act like them.” She wants to kill herself and I can’t help her. “  However, it was too late. She crossed the line and had to go.

Because of an ineffective discipline strategy and unwillingness on the part of officials to act appropriately when this child began her reign of terror, everyone lost. Students lost valuable class time. Teachers were drained from the unnecessary drama. The meetings, the police officer summoned, cleanup, phone calls, fights with kids, conversations, and gossip-all of it time devoted to one student who could have gotten the help she needed had something been done sooner.

Americans want the “one” answer that can fix our problems. Until the public stops this ridiculous wishful thinking, nothing will change in education. Sure there are teachers out there who should work at Pets Smart instead of a school. However, the public doesn’t get that teachers deal with ups and downs, and complexities within a system they did not design, nor have any input on its day-to-day operations.

If people want to know more about our ailing public schools, spend a little time in one instead of making assumptions and spouting off solutions as if having gone to school makes one an expert. After a few days, especially in the ones with the worst leaders and the most dysfunction, observers would finally start to see that even the most dedicated and effective teachers deal with enormous stress and have to repeat the Serenity Prayer each morning just to get through the day. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Debra Cole is a self-professed ‘lefty’ who calls it like she sees it. She was a public school teacher in Georgia for 9 years. Currently, she performs regularly in Atlanta area comedy clubs. She’s known for her sophisticated and smart humor that’s delivered with a seemingly sweet and yet surprising sarcastic Southern Georgia twang. E-mail her at: deblaughs@gmail.com.

Please feel free to submit a comment on our blogs. By posting a comment you acknowledge reading and following the terms and conditions of posting found here.  You may also submit a comment by e-mail. If you e-mail a comment you consent to your comment and first name being posted on the Irreverent View website. If you wish to remain completely anonymous, please state so in your e-mail.

By Rod Brooker

The simultaneous earthquake and hurricane in East Hillsborough County was in fact the sound of 50,000 jaws dropping, followed by howls of fury that a homosexual judge, seated in the Land of Fruits and Nuts, had knocked down a California measure that forbade homosexuals to marry.  We’re not talking about this civil union crap.  We’re talking the Real Thing here. 

There is no question that the Founding Fathers were not homosexual, or there would have been no Founding Children, and none of us would be here today.  Unless the Fathers were to have paired up, smuggled into our Nation gangs of dark-skinned waifs who spoke unintelligible jabber, and adopted them.  Then would some of the Fathers have become Founding Mothers?  But I digress.  Under this blasphemous scenario, the Founding Children would have been Converted to the Abominable Lifestyle and, making a long story short, today we would all be dark-skinned homosexuals who refuse to speak a word of English.

Those scenarios are quite odd, but then again so is the learned and honorable Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker, a card-carrying member of the Homosexual Party, who somehow fooled The Beloved Gipper into appointing him, for the remainder of his deviant life, to the federal bench.  There can be only two reasons why Ronnie did such a thing: 

First possible reason, the old Radio Announcer was taking one of his frequent naps at the head of a White House conference table, and closeted perverts on his staff got him to sign the papers unwittingly. 

Second possible reason, the  Gone and Lamented was so steeped by decades of experience in the Hollyweird culture, where probably 95 percent of all those movie types are, er, homosexuals, that in a momentary lapse of reason the Esteemed One appointed the homosexual Walker to the bench.  And Walker lurked in the shadows, as his sort are apt to do, waiting for his moment to twist American society. 

And to think, Gip’s nomination of the Degenerate Deemer was stalled until the presidential term of the Father of the Second Greatest U.S. President in History, who pushed said nomination through.  Liberal hate groups, who are automatically against anything  a Republican president does, made a great public show of outrage at the nomination of Walker, solely to distract the Nation and to tie up resources. Their scurrilous display meant investigators from various federal alphabet agencies were not able to carry out the grim task of trolling the gay bars of California, checking Walker’s background.  Had these sleuths been able to do so, the truth would have outed, so to speak, and Walker would have had to sashay away from the bench.  Perhaps as far as Denmark, or Sweden, or at least San Francisco.  Wait!  He is in San Francisco.  Of course.  Now it all falls into place, doesn’t it? 

Rod Brooker is descended from Valrico Baptists.  He practices in Tampa as a Greedy Trial Lawyer filing Frivolous Lawsuits.  He is a Socialist Hippie who has buried the title of a Pink Floyd album in the writing above.  “Pink” Floyd?

By Debra M. Cole

I’ve heard a lot of complaints from my gay and lesbian friends in conversations and on the web about the Obama administration being slow to act on LGBT issues. The emotions range from mild disappointment to outrage.  They’re upset that he hasn’t repealed the “don’t ask don’t tell policy of our military.” They were angry that he kept quiet when California voted on Prop 8 and when Maine rejected gay marriage at the ballot box. And even though he extended health benefits for same sex couples who are federal employees. That was considered a small step and perhaps just a gesture.

I’m quite open about my support of gay marriage. I sincerely believe all Americans should have the right to humiliate themselves on the Divorce Court Show. Everyone in this great country should have equal opportunity to appear on daytime trash TV. However, when I was asked on Facebook to sign a petition protesting Obama’s decision to have Rick Warren do the invocation at the inauguration, I wasn’t into it. Even though I support gay rights and don’t care for Rick Warren mostly because he’s annoying, I didn’t like that a group of liberals were falling into the “trap.”  Democrats know too well how liberals can succumb to the trap that has the attitude “I want perfection right now, or I’ll bitch and withdraw support, resulting in shooting myself in the foot.”

I empathize with the gays. It is unfair they have to move to Iowa and live amongst the tacky people who would all qualify for the What Not to Wear Show in order to get married. I don’t even subscribe to the basic argument that being gay is not a choice, and therefore gay relationships should be considered on a par with straights. If being gay were a choice, I would still support gay marriage. However, at this time the gays need to chill out with Obama. Expectations of the President are too high. Some gay activists are acting like a drowning man who complains the life jacket thrown to him came from Walmart instead of REI.

Despite support even among some conservatives to repeal “don’t ask don’t tell,” Obama can’t spend political currency on the LGBT community right now. I know the gays don’t want to hear, “you have to wait in line behind healthcare, a recession, and two wars.” But the truth is you have to wait in line. And quite frankly, you should. No one has died because he or she can’t get married.  But thousands of Americans die each year because they don’t have access to healthcare.  And the numbers don’t account for the people who live in sickness because they put off visits to the doctor. Or people who take half of a recommended dose of medication to save money. Or people with mental illnesses that could flourish with basic medication and counseling.  Anyone at anytime can be subjected to cancelled policies, denied claims, and denial of coverage. We are all at risk for bankruptcy and death even with insurance. Our healthcare system is so ridiculous that the words of Lady Liberty should say, “Bring us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. But don’t bring us you’re sick because you’re screwed if you get off that boat with a pre-existing condition.”

I’ve got my own healthcare horror stories. I’m currently pregnant and fainted while working on a film set. I smacked my face on a desk on the way to the floor.  The accident resulted in two root canals after a trip to the hospital and more stress on my new marriage. My health insurance told the dental secretary she needed to code the claim correctly in order for them to pay.  But they also said that she has to figure out the codes on her own and promptly hung up. The dentist then muttered 30 seconds worth of expletives and told me how insurance companies put them through administrative hell with all their claims. It is still unresolved.

And even getting the health insurance I have was a nightmare. When I left teaching for the freelance, entrepreneurial life that America claims to support, I had to purchase an overpriced self-employed policy. Two companies turned me down because of pre-existing conditions-asthma and anxiety. And one said they would give me insurance but not cover anything related to mental illness. I asked the underwriter how much obesity cost their company. I told her that my 112-pound never smoked cigarettes or abused drugs, never been hospitalized body should count for something. She then pointed out that I have two mental problems-anxiety and depression. I told her she was looking at my situation all-wrong. These mild disorders, that are quite manageable, actually balance out and save money. If I were just depressed, I would become lethargic, constantly eat, and develop a fat ass. That’s because people who are simply depressed are often too lazy to be anxious. And if I were just anxious, I would engage in dangerous impulsve behaviors. My anxiety shows I have gumption and will exercise consistently. The insomnia, pacing, and nail biting burn a lot of calories and will prevent me from falling into the obesity category that is so costly. And my depression keeps things in perspective. It slows my anxiety down so that I don’t tell people like you and your company to go $%#@ themselves.

Needless to say, we didn’t work out a deal. I got insurance somewhere else with a company I can’t afford, and who won’t pay for one of my medications. I have to buy if from Mexico because I can get 6 months of pills from Javier at the same price it would be for one month here in the land of freedom.

There are thousands of stories that are obviously much worse than mine. Sadly, Insurance companies have wealth, political influence, and the mindset of many Americans on their side. It is an outdated, discriminatory, and cruel mindset. It’s a belief that people, who are unable to pay for medical care, don’t deserve it. In fact, confronting an insurance company has a power balance similar to a 19th century slave woman telling her master he’s unfair.  Imagine a ridiculous conversation like this one. How far could she get with her complaint?  “Masta, I needs to talk to you. You said if I had 4 strong chillun with that slave man Alfred, that my mama and the 3 chillun I had with you would be set free on yo 50th birthday. Today you turn 50, and now you say no?”  “You say it gone cost you too much to let go of my mama and yo 3 light skinned chillun.”

Healthcare should be a right for all Americans. What we have now is a disgrace. And we should be ashamed of our hypocrisy. For example, there are memorial services, films, books, art exhibits, and music dedicated to the victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The tragic events that day took just under 3000 American lives. The victims certainly deserve our thoughts and attention. But we should be just as angry that this country has allowed at least 40,000 people in one year alone to die because of a system based on neglect and greed

However, not everyone is moved by these statistics the same way. Not everyone sees the relation of the terms liberty, equality, and justice to denial of care. Change is difficult and reform is complicated. And complexity doesn’t sit well with our ADD barely literate instant gratification pursuing culture.  So given the challenges of our time, along with The Tea Party People, Birthers, Sarah Palin, and Rush Limbaugh, who have had success making things more difficult for Obama and reform minded Democrats. Imagine what it would be like if Obama got loud about gay rights in the midst of all this craziness.  Nothing would get done.  We saw how the remarks Obama made regarding the police and Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates resulted in a media frenzy that dominated the news for weeks. It was a waste of time and a distraction for the President and everyone involved. Turning up the volume on gay rights at this time would turn into a bigger mess. Healthcare would get tossed, and Americans would continue to suffer.

The majority of Americans do not support gay marriage. And Obama never promised help on the marriage issue anyway. However many Americans, even some conservatives, do support changes that give gays and lesbians more rights than they currently have. Gay activists should concentrate on achievable goals right now, and demand changes in the courts and at the local level. They should table their resentment against Obama and take a wait and see approach. If Obama wins a second term, and at the end he still hasn’t done squat for gays. That would be the appropriate time to raise hell because at that point, he would very much deserve scorn and rebuke from the gay community.

Debra Cole is a self-professed ‘lefty’ who calls it like she sees it. She was a public school teacher in Georgia for 9 years. Currently, she performs regularly in Atlanta area comedy clubs. She’s known for her sophisticated and smart humor that’s delivered with a seemingly sweet and yet surprising sarcastic Southern Georgia twang. E-mail her at: deblaughs@gmail.com.

By Debra Cole

I know what you’re thinking by the sub-title. Apparently this writer is in a nursing home, gumming applesauce while surfing between the DNA results of “Who my baby Daddy” on Maury Povich, and reruns of the Golden Girls. Or, the writer has pledged allegiance to a paranoid anti-computer commune in Idaho that has a 15:1 semi-automatic weapon ratio. And its mullet sporting members have extreme Halitosis because they believe the makers of tooth paste have ties with the Urban Housing and Development Federal agency. They think said agency is actually a group of scientists and computer programmers constructing Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as cloned robots to seduce humans and genetically eliminate “undesirable” traits like empathy, individualism, and acne.

Neither over-imaginative scenario is the case. I’m a 30ish Gen Xer with excellent oral hygiene. My Mac book Pro, Ipod, and access to any Saturday Night Live skit, whether it’s Dana Carvy or Tina Fey, on YouTube are as vital as air and decalf iced mochas. I loudly sing the praises of technology, and not just in entertainment. Medicine, science, conservation, and even Presidential elections benefit.
Obama’s use of the Internet played a significant role in defeating Hillary Clinton and John McCain, not only because of the amount of money he raised. But the visual images of Obama’s blackberry addiction compared to John McCain’s disdain for e-mail reinforced the message of change.

So what’s my problem with technology? You may ask, don’t you want our young people to receive the best education, compete globally, and most importantly not live in their parents’ basement at 30? Ok, yes, yes, and yes, but excessive or rather obsessive spending on technology has virtually nothing to do with academic achievement. I bring this topic to your attention because our economy is marching in a recession parade longer than the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day festivity. School systems across the country will be looking for ways to save money.
Sadly, many officials will pull the same stunts they do every time there is a real or imagined budget boogey man. Fine arts, physical education, world languages, along with teachers’ salaries and class sizes will all suffer. You can show thousands of spreadsheets and doctoral dissertations to support the argument that these courses are as vital as the basics. Local artists and even celebrities can give impassioned speeches patterned after Mr. Holland’s Opus bringing everyone at the town meeting to tears. But unfortunately, bureaucrats not intellectuals run our schools. Looking for creative cost control ideas at a school board meeting is about as easy as trying to find some feminism at a rapper’s house.

I’m not advocating that our schools should model the Amish community because of Wall Street’s woes. However, even in eras of prosperity, technology shouldn’t receive such big piece of the pie. And the reason for this imbalance is because Americans love trends. We love the bandwagon, especially when there’s an opportunity to label something the “Messiah” to distract from reality. We also love window dressing.
A brand new computer lab looks like innovation. However, we’ve all seen movies with beautiful images and fantastic graphics based on shallow scripts, implausible characters, and stupid dialogue.

I remember during the Clinton administration, Al Gore told the public that every school should have the Internet and all the trimmings. He emphasized that the Internet allowed a child to read any essay or work of literature on-line. But no one is going to read Shakespeare’s Macbeth on-line if he or she won’t read it in a book. It’s similar to a situation where my friend “Brad” asked me about buying his lazy overweight daughter a fancy indoor exercise bike. I told him if she’s unwilling to walk to the mailbox, it’s a waste of money.

Besides, the reason I even want to go to Wikepedia is because of my 10th grade world history teacher. She made history exciting despite the lack of sex appeal in her lessons. We read, listened to lectures, discussed, and occasionally watched films. For a class presentation, we didn’t have power point to make it pretty. We spent our time on the content. And if you don’t believe that public speaking without a gadget still has merit. You should visit a comedy club.

And so over the past 10 years, federal grants and corporate donations have spent millions on technology. Everyone can find articles on the HIV virus or the Civil War in a split second. But education isn’t any better. Nationwide, graduation rates are roughly 70%, and for African Americans and Hispanics, it’s about 50%. Furthermore, teacher attrition rates are embarrassing. About one-third of teachers leave within 3 years. And the morale in a lot of schools will drive even the most stable and dedicated educator to Lexipro or Prozac before their fifth year anniversary. It’s the Human Resource departments that need to be struck by the lightning rod of innovation, not technology.

In 1989, I visited Anne Frank’s home in Amsterdam. I was on a European tour with my youth choir. I bought a copy of her diary there that still rests on my bookshelf. I looked through it recently and wondered how many computers, keyboards, programs, software, discs, chords, and monitors have been thrown into landfills since my trip to the Netherlands? In essence books last longer. Computers and accessories have a shelf life of 5 years at the most. It’s utterly ridiculous that schools will bend over backwards for computers, but won’t have money for musical instruments, art supplies, after-school programs, or classes in Mandarin Chinese. There are funds to buy simulations of experiments, but not to build a real greenhouse. We can’t buy sports equipment for kids want something besides basketball, despite the fact that 30 percent have the fattest asses of any generation in American history. We want laptops for all but won’t provide a decent nutritious lunch, or adequate mental health services for troubled children particularly in poverty stricken districts.

Furthermore, the technology that a pre-K child will learn will be obsolete by the time he or she enters college. So the argument of technology today for the sake of future employment is hogwash. The focus should be rigorous academics, creativity, and discipline. Most employers want people who can act right, read, solve problems, and stick to things despite adversity. To illustrate my point, I recently bought Final Cut Pro software for film editing. When UPS delivered it, I knew absolutely nothing. I have slowly learned to edit through books and on-line instruction. However the tenacity to tackle it each day was learned through classical music training, not a computer course.
In college, it was not unusual to practice 3 hours a day on a Bach Sonata for an upcoming recital. When I began music lessons, my family didn’t allow me to cop out on commitments to concerts and practices.
My inspiring music teachers knew their craft, but most importantly, they wanted to be there and had support to do the job.

During these troubled times, school board members should ask a lot of questions to find the black holes sucking up the dollars so that programs don’t suffer unnecessarily, and children miss out on opportunities. Every household has a black hole effect, whether it’s money spent on cigarettes or late fees. Seriously, do students who live within 3 miles of a school really need bus service? They can walk, especially if they live in a southern state with very mild winters. Is it necessary to have all those “directors” up at central office? How about a few dollars spent on making schools better organized and more positive, to keep teachers, rather than waste millions to fill vacancies from resignations that could have been avoided? With the right leader and willingness, we could also feed youngsters better while turning a profit at lunchtime.

I believe that with literacy, confidence building experiences, stability, a healthy environment, and emotional support, the average person can accomplish most anything he or she desires. And technology is one tool we can use to help youngsters reach their potential. I’m not boycotting computers, I’m simply asking for fairness. Technology shouldn’t sit at the big table while everyone else has to sit with the children and weird family members out in the garage.

Debra Cole is a self-professed ‘lefty’ who calls it like she sees it. She was a public school teacher in Georgia for 9 years. Currently, she performs regularly in Atlanta area comedy clubs. She’s known for her sophisticated and smart humor that’s delivered with a seemingly sweet and yet surprising sarcastic Southern Georgia twang. E-mail her at: deblaughs@gmail.com.

By Colin Brennan

I see this again and again and again, to the point that I’m exhausted with it. Every single Republican I know or read from is riding this one, consistent fear. They are terrified of losing their well earned cash, and the word behind it all is always the same: communism.

Why is taxation for aid efforts in a world with rapidly-growing-poorer poor equating to communism? It stands to reason that a country so deeply advocating the capitalist system would have quite a bit of trouble with turning over a new leaf like that. It’d be more like turning over a new tree. Taxation, even if it was far more exorbitant than it currently is, hardly stands as indicative of communism.

While we’re at it, why not point out such clever things as that the Liberal “agenda” shares much with fascism. It’s exactly like socialism, now, right? Wasn’t Mussolini a socialist? I can’t remember. Maybe he was Libertarian.

It’s troubling, particularly, because we are suddenly inundated with the same uneducated complaints. Communism as we know it has always been based off an imperfect manifestation of Marxism, which assumes that equality is absolute, we’re just being “kept down by the man” in true conflict theorist fashion. Sounds a lot like Democrats, no?

Not particularly. One of the greatest fears expressed by the American public in our past dealings with Communism is not that we’ll suddenly have to deal with a tragic redistribution of cash flow to raise a greater proportion above the poverty line (particularly pressing now, seeing as, according to the 2005 Census Bureau report, 37 million Americans live below the poverty line. While only 1/3 of these individuals report actual difficulties obtaining food, shelter, or medical care, 12 million still seems like a large number left out in the cold in a first world country) but the dramatic restriction of privacy, civil rights, and personal liberties that typify Communist regimes.

Which, strangely enough, are restrictions far more commonly advocated by the Grand Old Party. The good ol’ boys are now taking it upon themselves to legislate morality, banning gay marriage or abortion, attacking birth control, crying out against stem cell research, advocating government social monitors, or attempting to establish an official national language. This, when considering their mantra (or used to be mantra) of smaller government, seems unsettling.

Perhaps, then, a person can begin to wander a little farther than the explorations pundits and newscasters afford them.

I am not advocating Obama’s policies as perfection. Not even close. He has the same problems we see again and again with Liberal “redistribution,” and fails to acknowledge the role that education and social problems play, assuming that handing them money, giving a man a fish as the old saying goes, immediately makes him capable and self-reliant. It doesn’t. A man raised from poverty with no education, no assistance, simply falls back into it with reckless spending, adoration for the consumer culture and a failure to understand moderation and control. I’m not advocating them as the elixir cure-all to our every national woe. He hasn’t yet addressed many of the things our nation has previously considered important, and will consider important in the future, instead riding the economic high horse to electorate victory. I’m not saying his inexperience won’t bog him down. It will. He’s going to have trouble managing the country, with the vast quantity of concerns and catastrophes we seem so prone to.

What I am saying is simply this; It’s time for change. Yeah. The same cliché crap you’ve been hearing for months. But this is the change I propose. Let’s stand behind our president. Let’s facilitate his programs, try our very best to see them to fruition. Let’s attempt to ride this out, and really buckle down, put our nose to the grindstone. Somehow, the possibility of reaching even halfway to the sky high ambitions he’s set forth for the country seems far, far more gratifying than being able to smile smugly and thumb your nose with a smirking “I told you so” while the nation burns around us.

If you’ve got, as many of the individuals I’ve seen recently complain, nothing but empty pockets by the end of this, I’m thinking, being by then one of the very people you deem unworthy of your paycheck contribution, you’ll sing a different tune, no?

Colin Brennan attended Western State College of Colorado, where he studied sociology and psychology. He attempts to examine both parties with a critical lens, focused by these sciences, and encourages readers to argue his points as vehemently as possible. E-mail him at: colin.brennan@comcast.net.

By Elan Barnehama
In an odd way Sarah Palin’s performance on Saturday Night Live this past weekend and Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama on Meet the Press served similar purposes for each public figure. While both events accomplished their immediate election related goals, each appearance seemed to support a personal agenda to regain and rebuild personal reputations.

Sarah Palin has become more and more irritated withher handlers and the top brass of the McCain campaign who have mishandled and muted, if not censored, her. They have allowed her reputation to suffer and it’s become increasingly clear that she will do what it takes to emerge from this election with her national reputation intact. She’s starting to speak to reporters (her own decision?) and recently wondered out loud about the ineffectiveness of the campaign’s robo calls. At the same time, she offered her take on what she would do if she were in charge of the campaign.

Palin seems to be simultaneously trying to keep the McCain campaign afloat while looking for a lifeboat. Is she thinking that she will be the 2012 presumptive presidential nominee of the Republican Party? Ask Hillary about celebrating that title to early. Or does her future lie, like Gov. Huckabee, as a TV talk show host. If she were auditioning for that future last Saturday night on SNL, she clearly showed her readiness. For many, myself included, she hasn’t shown that same readiness for the role of Vice President or President—but that audition is far from over.

For many, Democrats, Republicans, Independents alike—I’ll lump them together and call them centrists—Colin Powell was the one last hope of stopping the Bush Administration’s rush to war. Many centrists had hoped that he would have spoken out publicly against the ill-planned invasion of Iraq. But, he either didn’t or couldn’t stop the momentum within the Bush White House and for that, he shared the blame for our misguided actions in Iraq.

It was hard to imagine that Powell did not know he was presenting false information about Saddam’s threat to the world. Maybe he didn’t know, but it’s easy to think that he should have. And maybe he did speak out against the Iraq invasion within the Bush cabinet meetings, but he didn’t speak out to the press and his silence to the press was an affirmation of the Bush Administration assertions about the ties between Saddam and 9/11.

While Colin Powell’s complaint about the narrowing of the Republican Party sound genuine and heartfelt, he too seems to be trying to recover from the tainting his reputation took during his tenure in the Bush Administration. This election offers Mr. Powell an opportunity to recover what was once his unique place in American politics.

It’s likely that both Palin and Powell will be successful in their personal pursuits. But, what’s also become increasingly likely is that, after the last vote is counted on November 4th, neither Sarah Palin nor Colin Powell will be able to bring this country together to resurrect our national reputation and to begin to rebuild our country. What once promised (again) to be a unifying election has (again) turned into anything but.

Elan Barnehama is a writer living in Western Massachusetts. He has taught at several colleges and was, most recently, a Senior Writer for Wesleyan University in Connecticut. His commentaries have aired on public radio and appeared in newspapers. E-mail Elan at: elan32@gmail.com.

By Debra M. Cole

I’m a Native Georgian, raised in Waycross and reside in Atlanta.

My southern twang is unapologetically thick as molasses. I direct a church choir. I love barbeque, beer, boiled peanuts and country music. And although I can’t stand NASCAR, a man who does is not automatically discounted in my pursuit of happiness. I’m also a proud smart-ass Democrat. This “condition” as many South Georgians would call it, emerged as my political persuasion in high school, only to grow stronger through college, graduate school, school of hard knocks, and my time served in our country’s largest archaic and anti-intellectual hellhole, otherwise known as public education.

So as a certfiable southerner, I call on fellow southerners to listen up and vote for Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States. No, I don’t think he’s the messiah. No, I don’t think his presidency will erase the scars left on this nation from slavery. No, I don’t support him just because he’s from my camp. Aside from voting, this is the first time I’ve ever gotten my butt off the couch to work for a candidate’s election.

Obama is an intelligent, well-educated man from humble beginnings. Raised by his middle-class grandparents and a single mother, pretentiousness is not in the family tree. Despite the ridiculous rumors, he is a Christian and has never been a practicing Muslim. He’s been married to an accomplished and lovely woman for 19 years. He has been a constitutional law professor, community organizer, state senator, and U.S. senator. He’s pragmatic, levelheaded, and inspiring.

Furthermore, this is a man who has a sound plan for this country. He has a healthcare plan that’s doable. And despite the constant lies of McCain’s campaign, Obama will actually lower taxes for most Americans. Only people making over $250,000.00 a year will pay more. Obama carefully considered all sides before choosing a vice-presidential running mate. His decision-making process shows that he’s a man who takes the job seriously and doesn’t shoot from the hip.

John McCain chose Sara Palin after one meeting and one phone conversation. The most important decision of his candidacy, he made in haste. I’m baffled. Furthermore, McCain didn’t even want to choose her. He picked her because his party pushed him to rally their evangelical base. That is no maverick. That is a man who puts his ambitions above the interest of the country. So the slogan “Country First” is a farce. No Republican can seriously look Americans in the eye and say that Sarah Palin is ready to be president. She lacks qualifications, experience, and her extreme views are scary.

That the McCain campaign is shielding Palin from the media is a hindrance to the democratic process. The public should be outraged for this tactic. We have a right to ask her tough questions. What is even more sickening is that she’s been elevated to some celebrity status because she’s a “fresh” face. Republicans should be ashamed for putting our democracy at risk by putting her on the presidential ticket. They should also be ashamed for claiming “sexism” when the press is doing their job. All the other candidates have undergone months of scrutiny. It just goes to show that the Republicans will do whatever it takes to win. And as the last 8 years have shown, when they win, the governing doesn’t go so well.

Our country has millions of people who have no health insurance. Real wages have staggered. Wealthy people are getting enormous tax breaks. The economy is a mess. Global warming isn’t going away. George W. Bush, has repeatedly misled the American people. And so we are in an expensive war against a country that did not attack us.

Voting Republican in this national election is against our economic, security, healthcare, and environmental interests. Is all of this worth it because of your pro-life stand? Is all of this worth it because you admire John McCain’s war record? What about the lives of our soldiers? What about the lives of Americans who will eventually die from diseases because they don’t have insurance? What about middle class Americans who are getting squeezed? What about the fact that all Americans will be at risk if McCain dies in office and an inexperienced governor of a state with less than a million people, who has a sketchy academic record, believes that humans don’t contribute to climate change, and has an affinity for banning books occupies the Oval Office?

And for those who like Palin’s “folksy” story and feel they can relate because she’s “one of us.” A nice story is for novels and movies on the Lifetime channel, not for presidential elections. Furthermore, being from a small town doesn’t make you a great person. I’m from a small town, and I grew up with just as many jerks as anyone from New York City. Ulysses S. Grant was from a small town and a war hero. Scholars consider him to be one of the worst presidents we’ve ever had. High ranking murderous jerks like Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini were also from small towns.

And I want to point out that choosing someone who isn’t like you isn’t such a bad deal. After all, do you want “regular folks” operating on your kidney? Do you want “regular” people to represent you in court? Do you want “regular” people designing bridges that you drive on every day? Do you want “regular” people performing a root canal? Do you want “regular” people building levees to protect you from floods? Do you want “regular” people teaching your child molecular physics? I bet you don’t even want “regular” people giving shots to your dog.  While I don’t hang around people who go bogging and spit tobacco, if a man who enjoys snuff happens to be able to fix my car in a timely fashion for a reasonable rate, that’s who I choose. Why would I care whether or not he likes the same movies as me?

The President of the United States isn’t supposed to be a “regular.” For God sakes, the leader of this powerful country needs to be above the rest of us in intelligence, experience, and vision. And saying so doesn’t contradict the Democrat’s message of caring for the little guy. That kind of reasoning is like accusing a businessman of hating mathematically challenged people simply because he chose a Duke University graduate to be his accountant instead of his cousin Jake, who’s handsome and relates well to everyone in the office but can’t seem to answer a single question right on the CPA exam.

The idea that Obama’s Ivy League education is somehow offensive and means he can’t relate to your problems is absolutely ludicrous. Don’t you see that labeling him “elitist” is manipulation to get your vote? Don’t you see that the Republicans are operating a negative campaign because they know that they have seriously screwed up the last 8 years? Did you listen to the speeches at the Republican convention? They were about scathing remarks and put-downs of the Democrats, not about offering solutions. And who’s the real elitist? John McCain doesn’t know how many houses he owns. And he’s certainly no agent for change, unless of course you count the amount of times he changes his stands on issues to suit whomever he’s trying to please. 

If you’re voting Republican because you don’t want gay marriage you should know Obama hasn’t vowed to bring about gay marriage. And do you honestly believe that a stand against gay marriage is more important than improving the lives of middle class Americans who have suffered under the Bush administration, restoring damaged relationships with long-time allies, and dealing with climate change in a forthright manner? And do you honestly believe that gays getting married are a threat to families and American civilization? Just off the top of my head I can list many threats to the American family that don’t involve gays; selfishness, unemployment, gas prices, poor public schools, healthcare costs, alcoholism, trauma, crime, communication problems, credit cards, home foreclosures, extra-marital affairs, sexual dysfunctions, children born out of wedlock, and in-laws who give unsolicited advice and won’t shut their pie hole at the dinner table. I’m willing to wager big bucks that these problems wreak more havoc on American lives than the homosexuals.

It is time to stop listening to the Republican messages of fear, and vote for real change and real progression for America. It is time to look at the issues logically and recognize that the “Right” plays on people’s emotions and prejudices to get votes and keep money in the pockets of the wealthy. It is time for the south to rise against the Republicans and go blue in support of Barack Obama for President.

Debra Cole is a self-professed ‘lefty’ who calls it like she sees it. She was a public school teacher in Georgia for 9 years. Currently, she performs regularly in Atlanta area comedy clubs. She’s known for her sophisticated and smart humor that’s delivered with a seemingly sweet and yet surprising sarcastic Southern Georgia twang. E-mail her at: deblaughs@gmail.com.

By Elan Barnehama

I was really looking forward to Sarah Palin’s speech—and while I could barely make it through Mayor Guilliani’s sophomoric diatribe aimed at getting his campaign debt paid off by the Republican party, I waited it out.

When I first learned that Senator McCain chose Governor Palin as his running mate, I didn’t have a problem with her limited experience. I’ve always liked McCain and was eager to learn more about his pick. Many young, talented, ambitious folks have stepped into the unknown and come through brilliantly. Experience is important, but often over rated. Maybe Palin was the real deal—just as I think Senator Obama is.

Palin’s introduction into the race was an instant breeze of fresh air in an otherwise very stale election. Still, what I wanted to know about was not her daughter’s sex life, but what were her politics, her policies, her positions. Sure, for now her views are the same as those of John McCain. But Lyndon Johnson never really agreed with Kennedy and George Bush never was completely on board with Ronald Regan.

Unfortunately I learned nothing tonight. Sarah Palin revealed nothing, repeated slogans, and gave us more of the same Republican talking points that want to turn her few accomplishments into a career. Her speech was simply conventional. What we really need to know is what are her beliefs and how will she act on them.

This was supposed to be Sarah Palin’s speech of a lifetime. I’m betting it’s not. She’ll have others, even if her ticket loses in November. But it might prove to be the speech of John McCain’s career. Maybe even more important than his acceptance speech.

I’ve never been convinced that Republicans dislike Obama because they think he lacks enough experience. They dislike and distrust him because they disagree with his policies. They disagree with his plans for the country. Imagine Obama delivering Palin’s speech. Wouldn’t his same experience be met with applause? The early focus on Sarah Palin’s experience neglected to help the country understand her views and where she would take us if she became president. Tonight’s convention added nothing to that blank slate.

Our system needs a lot of fixing and maybe this gun toting, anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-evolution, hockey mom has the right ideas, the right appeal for many voters. But not this one.

Elan Barnehama is a writer living in Western Massachusetts. He has taught at several colleges and was, most recently, a Senior Writer for Wesleyan University in Connecticut. His commentaries have aired on public radio and appeared in newspapers. E-mail Elan at: elan32@gmail.com.