Putting the campaign season in perspective with a little political humor from a snarky southern gal

by Debra M. Cole

You’re finally out with a grown man. He’s handsome. He’s fun. He works. He doesn’t have a parole officer and you don’t sense any Norman Bates Mama issues.  He tells you he has children. Alrighty, you like kids so no problem. Whew! Things are looking up. But then the kicker. He’s a Republican! What the *$#@!  

Well this happened to me. Despite that I took a deep breath and things have been great. I’m a well-rounded person and can yammer on about most anything. Finding topics on which to bond wasn’t a problem for us. (more…)

By Mike Matteo

As a Florida property owner I have felt like Lou Costello in Abbot and Costello’s famous routine: Who’s on First? Here is what a call to the tax assessor might sounds like given the current scenario:

Bureaucrat: My name is Miss Informed, how may I help you today?
Me: Hello, I’d like to speak to someone about my property taxes.
Bureaucrat: That’s my job.
Me: Great, I’d like to know the name of the person responsible for having to pay taxes
based on property that is tax valued at $200,000 but is assessed by the bank at $100,000
and it is making it impossible to sell it?
Bureaucrat: Who. (more…)

A little girl in our neighborhood named Catherine, told me that she wanted to be president one day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us, and I asked Catherine, ‘If you were president what would be the first thing you would do?’

Catherine replied, ‘I would give houses to all the homeless people.’

‘Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine,’ I told her, while both parents beamed, ‘but, you don’t have to wait until you’re President to help homeless people. You can come over to my house and clean up all of the dog poop in the back yard, and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then, we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use for a new house.’

Catherine, who was about 4, thought that over for a second, and then replied, ‘Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop himself, and you can pay him the $5 dollars?’ (more…)

Author unknown

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.

She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14. 97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49. 09 minutes west longitude.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.” (more…)