In our daily lives, family matters most

By Chris Ingram

The Tampa Tribune

Published Wednesday, July 4, 2012

My father-in-law, the Rev. Bill Mantei of Littleton, Co., passed away late last month. “Pastor Bill,” as he was affectionately called, had been a Lutheran minister for 38 years before retiring in 2010.

For me, the most difficult part of this loss was telling our three girls, 8-year-old Casey and 5-year-old twins Mia and Jordyn, that their Poppa had died.

The girls’ reaction of tears, mournful cries and sadness was expected. You could see the pain in their eyes and hear the confusion in their voices as they attempted to process what the news meant.

Once Mia settled down, she tried to find a way around the reality of the situation by boasting, “Let’s take an airplane to Heaven to see Poppa!” I told her, “No, Mia, you can’t take an airplane to Heaven.” To which she replied with determination, having thought she had solved the problem, “Then let’s take a jet!”

Ever the practical one, Jordyn suggested we plant an apple tree at home in Poppa’s memory. When told apple trees don’t grow very well in Florida, she quickly suggested an orange tree instead.

Our eldest, Casey, was stunned and mostly quiet as thoughts raced through her head that she would never get another bear-hug or hear another story about her mom’s youth from her beloved Poppa. She finally told me she was sad and angry that Poppa was gone. All I could tell her was that I was sad and angry too, but that Poppa had gone to a better place and was looking down at her now — forever her angel in Heaven.

Our loss and the girls’ reaction got me thinking about what is occurring in Washington.

At age 5, Mia’s creative mind raced to find a solution, however flawed, to a problem that could not be solved. Unfortunately Washington’s answer to problems such as the budget crisis is similarly childlike, and similarly seeks to avoid the reality of the situation, though not nearly as well intentioned: If you have a budget shortfall, just print more money.

Casey’s reaction of sadness and anger is shared when I think about what the politicians are doing to our country. Sad because we are becoming a nation of people who want more for doing less, and dependent on government for all our needs. I get angry when I think about the debt my kids’ generation is being saddled with. The burden of repaying the debt holders will be borne on their shoulders because the politicians and “we the people” want so much that we aren’t willing to pay for. We want free health care, increases in Social Security, bigger tax cuts, subsidies to corporations and more — but don’t want to have to pay for it, and the politicians are happy to oblige by obligating the next generation.

For her part, my wife, Amy, is mostly just sad. There’s a lonely and empty feeling when you lose someone you love. It takes weeks or months of adjustment to realize you can never pick up the phone and ask your dad, “How is your day?” or make plans for a summer visit.

I will also miss Bill. He officiated at our wedding, christened Casey and was the only person who always called me “Christopher” — with the exception of my mom, who only does so when I am in trouble. I’ll never get to hear him call me that or rib him about the performance of his beloved Denver Broncos.

Bill’s passing has caused me to reflect that while I am sad and angry at Washington, what the politicians do — or don’t do — has little consequence on our daily lives.

We’ll overcome whatever foolish moves they make, and ultimately the American spirit, the free markets, and the freedoms we so love and are willing to fight for will prevail.

At the end of the day, what matters most in our daily lives is family. The ones who will be there through thick and thin, better for worse, for richer for poorer. The ones who listen to your problems and offer you thoughtful advice. The ones who, unlike politicians, can’t be replaced.

I think we’ll go plant that orange tree for Poppa now.

Click here to read the column in the Tampa Tribune.