Red Rover, Red Rover

Karl Rove’s new incarnation as TV talking head fails to impress

By Cliff Schecter

I felt a stiff the breeze the other day, and the smell of someone shoveling horse manure was in the air. So I figured Karl Rove must be talking again. And what do you know? I was right.

You know Karl Rove, don’t you? The permanently unindicted co-conspirator. The guy who is a genius because losing control of the House and Senate and leading a president toward an approval rating slightly to the south of viral meningitis is what counts for brilliance in Washington, D.C.

Yeah, that guy. This time, what does the insufferable, sebum-stained fabulist, the ultimate mendacity manufacturer, the bloated corpus that can be found almost 24/7 at monochromatic country clubs when not loading his puff-faced, Jabba-ish visage at a Denny’s near you, what pearls of wisdom does he have to offer us?

That Barack Obama is “arrogant” and that Hillary Clinton is “calculating.” Really, Karl? That is your breaking news? Thanks for the scoop, MC Rove!

First of all, your calling anyone arrogant is like Richard Simmons calling someone annoying or Strom Thurmond calling someone dead. Second, I needed you to tell me Hillary Clinton is calculating? Thanks, pal. Bush’s Brain sure has some deep thoughts when not trying to destroy the Constitution or pocket corporate cash through every available orifice.

Now I hear you are advising McCain. Thanks, John! Perhaps this time when he puts out a story that someone has a black love child (remember South Carolina 2000, The Unvictory Tour, Johnny!), well, it could well be Barack Obama – and it might actually be true!

That in itself would be quite an accomplishment for everyone’s favorite Turd Blossom.

Cliff Schecter’s first book, “The Real McCain: Why Conservatives Don’t Trust Him And Why Independents Shouldn’t” will be released on May 1st. You can email him at cliffschecter@gmail.com

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